Was it the right decision?

It was three at night but I couldn’t get him out of my head, The way his fingers traced mine How the bony structure of a shoulder felt like the softest cushion ever, How his voice brought comfort and warmth Him tucking my hair behind the ears while I read to him The craziest piece of poetry I have written And to which he just replied "Beautiful" while staring deep into my eyes Making me feel all those feelings that I have never felt before, Or probably won’t feel ever. It’s funny how feelings can escalate so quick and vanish even more quickly, How it’s first you loving yourself because of that person, And then you hating yourself because of that same person How it’s you talking about them all-day And talking to them all night How it turns into you staring at the kitchen ceiling And screaming in the dead of the night Flipping the pages of your old poetry journal You’re reminded of all the childish things you did for them and with them But it’s all in the past Because it was you who decided to leave them and the memories behind Then why reminisce them now Why must I make myself go through this When it was my decision I remind myself Sipping coffee at four in the morning It’s been two years now since I last saw him His body tilted towards my side His fingers entangled in mine And a bright smile widening on his face Which downturned As I said let go of me And he did exactly what he was asked for As he has been doing for all this time “why?” The only words that left his mouth Fumbling as he tries to conjure some words and coherent thoughts He said “You don’t have to feel the same emotions I will pour all the love that I have into this For the two of us” I looked him straight in the eyes with a blank face He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat As if it’s hard for him to breathe he was just waiting for me to reply I turned around and he got the reply As I walked away I saw him once before I vanish away His dark honey eyes are full of love and sadness While mine are just hollow and devoid of emotions Just the way they have always been It was the right decision I remind myself Running at five in the morning It’s been four years when he came up to me With the cutest of a smile and a book that I have been talking about It was just like any other morning for me Until he sat beside me And his eyes were looking at my face After every couple of minutes I find it annoying But, it was different that day As I smiled And that was a first for both of us For him seeing me smile made his day, he said He kept on stringing sentences of appreciation of that one curved line on my face While I walked home and he followed I stopped and turned towards him “What do you want?” “Nothing, I like being around you” And that made me smile, again “Twice in a day, it’s my lucky day I guess” He walked near me, his cheeks blushed as his feet played with the stone on the ground Mustering up the courage, he said “I have something to tell you” Without letting him complete the sentence I replied “I know, and no.” There was a pause, he wasn’t smiling but he didn’t look sad either “I will wait” I was a little shocked but my face didn’t convey the emotion “I can wait, can’t I?” “Maybe” I continued walking Letting him wait wasn’t the right decision I remind myself Walking back home from the run at six in the morning It's been almost six years when I first saw him He introduced himself to the class in the most cheerful way ever Just like a ray of sunshine that he was We were paired to work on our first project of the semester As I talked about the things I like His eyes looked at me with full admiration While his friends questioned my ability to deliver the emotions in the annual play he kept on encouraging me to go for it As it ended, he was the first one to clap and applaud And the sound of his clapping didn't wither until the whole cast was off the stage He was looking around for me in the crowd, he said when we met at the back gate And I realized, probably my eyes were looking for him too // There he was, on the other side of the crossway Waiting for the traffic signal and looking at his watch As if he was waiting for something to happen I looked at his eyes and they weren't bright anymore They weren't full of all these different emotions Or maybe they don't reflect the feelings the way they did before But are hollow just like mine Did I turn him into like this? No, it wasn't me I try to convince myself As I walked past him on the crossway at eight in the morning He was on the other end of the road now And probably that's when he saw me And shouted “I am still waiting” I walked away like the way I have always done before Reassuring myself That I am incapable of feeling these emotions // I walked away like the way I have always done before Thinking is this what it means to love someone